Afraid or curious?

Genesis 18:1-10a
The Lord appeared to Abraham by the oaks of Mamre, as he sat at the entrance of his tent in the heat of the day. He looked up and saw three men standing near him. When he saw them, he ran from the tent entrance to meet them, and bowed down to the ground. He said, “My lord, if I find favor with you, do not pass by your servant. Let a little water be brought, and wash your feet, and rest yourselves under the tree. Let me bring a little bread, that you may refresh yourselves, and after that you may pass on - since you have come to your servant.” So they said, “Do as you have said,” And Abraham hastened into the tend to Sarah, and said, “Make ready quickly three measures of choice flour, knead it, and make cakes.” Abraham ran to the herd, and took a calk, tender and good, and gave it to the servant, who hastened to prepare it.  Then he took curds and milk and the calf that he had prepared, and set it before them; and he stood by them under the tree while they ate. They said to him, “Where is your wife Sara?” And he said, “There, in the tend.” Then one said, “I will surely return to you in due season, and your wife Sarah shall have a son.”

Psalm 15
Lord, who may dwell in your tabernacle? Who may abide upon your holy hill? Those who lead a blameless life and do what is right, who speak the truth from their heart; they do not slander with the tongue, they do no evil to their friends; they do not cast discredit upon a neighbor. In their sight the wicked are rejected, but they honor those who fear the Lord. They have sworn upon their health and do not take back their word. They do not give their money in hope of gain, nor do they take bribes against the innocent. Those who do these things shall never be overthrown.

Colossians 1:15-28
Christ Jesus is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers - all things have been created through him and for him. He himself if before all things, and in him all things hold together. He is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his cross. And you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his fleshly body through death, so as to present you holy and blameless and irreproachable before him - provided that you continue securely established and steadfast in the faith, without shifting from the hope promised by the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven. I, Paul, became a servant of this gospel. I am now rejoicing in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am completing what is lacking in Christ’s afflictions for the sake of his body, that is, the church. I because its servant according to God’s commission that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known, the mystery that has been hidden throughout the ages and generations but has now been revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. It is he whom we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone all wisdom, so that we may present everyone mature in Christ.

Luke 10:38-42
Now as they went on their way, he entered a village; and a woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving; and she went to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.”

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The night before my ordination, there were at least a dozen of my friends from seminary all packed together in my parents house for a party. We knew it wouldn't be very likely we could spend time together at the reception, since I'd have to make the rounds from table to table and greet everyone who came from college and high school and other local churches to celebrate, so we decided a night together was the best way to have quality time together. And it was. But it was also a bit overwhelming, and I found myself from time to time retreating to the kitchen and a sink full of dishes, just to catch my breath. I have really amazing friends, and to be together with them all that night was almost too much to handle, thinking of all we had been through together and what was ahead and how far they had traveled to be together. So I remember that night feeling a kinship with Martha, torn between wanting to be really present and wanting to be a good host. And when Jesus came to visit, I wonder if Martha was torn like that, too. We don't know that she was in the kitchen, per se, but she was 'distracted with much serving,' much of the very work of service Jesus had just been commending to his disciples.

It can be a hard balance to strike, between action and contemplation. I remember on internship hearing about a seminarian who was caught in the act of praying for his congregation one day, who was told they weren't paying him to pray and he needed to get up and get back to work. But if we aren't listening to God, holding each other in the Light, as the Quakers say, how do we stay connected reason and power behind our service? Far too often we get overly busy, as though being exhausted earns us a merit badge, and then make the excuse that we are doing God's work, even though we haven't actually talked with God about it. I know I'm guilty of this, expecting pastoral ministry to look a certain way and putting pressure on myself and my calendar to match that expectation, even when the context and needs and gifts call for something different. But when do we stop to listen, to contemplate, to just be with Jesus and let that be enough?

This is one of the reasons I love making hospital visits, believe it or not. Because I am not a medical professional, and there is no place I can be where it is more obvious I cannot fix whatever is broken. All I can do is sit with a person at the hospital. Wait with them. Listen and bear witness to whatever is going on. Watch for God and do the hard work of being present, without being distracted. It's so hard sometimes to be focused like that, without checking my phone or wondering about what I'm going to be late to next, without getting sucked into despair over the headlines or another debate about the value of Pokèmon Go. Because we get distracted with much doing, much busyness, much that is not the relationships in front of us.

This model has done much damage in the world of mission work, too, not just on our personal small scale, but on the bigger scale. Think about the way colonization happens, assimilation, when the ones with power come with an idea of progress and impose it upon another culture, without listening to what the other culture values or where its traditions come from.  Rather than the busyness of tearing down and rebuilding according to their ideals, missionaries do far better to accompany, to walk with, to sit at the feet of Jesus in the midst of a foreign culture and simply learn for a long time before acting. How often do we give ourselves the grace to learn and be curious before we act, or do we feel the pressure to be the expert in the room at all times?

Being busy seems like it holds a lot of power, running from one important thing to the next, but what happens if we stop running? There was a great podcast I heard this week with the author of 'Eat, Pray, Love', Elizabeth Gilbert, where she talked about the paths of fear and curiosity. It seems the sort of anxiety produced in Martha could be read as fear, and Mary's 'better part,' as Jesus called it, would be curiosity. Mary sat at Jesus feet just like any of the male disciples, her curiosity overwhelming the social expectations of patriarchy, and that freedom to be curious, rather than afraid, is another aspect of the kingdom of God. Martha, on the other hand, was so caught up in those social norms that she didn't even ask her sister directly, or not that we are told, but told the man in the house to command her sister to get back to work.

So what is the good news, then, in the middle of this story about an average, typical day in the life of Jesus and his friends? How does this make a difference in our world today, with all of the news of violence and fear circulating in the air? How does it help us clarify what matters, where we can focus and where we can stop to breathe? Is that even a question we should ask when so many people don't have the luxury of taking a day off, let alone a vacation, because they are living paycheck to paycheck, or living on even less? I mean, it's a nice image, and all, to be able to stop and pray, but when you're working multiple jobs just to pay rent, or have to decide week to week between medication and groceries and diapers, this image of sitting at the feet of Jesus is one of those 'I'll sleep when I'm dead' kind of fantasies. But the experience of such poverty is not one I have listened to as deeply as I should, so I cannot say where they are refreshed, though I imagine there are resources there that would surprise us.

Maybe that's why we make ourselves so busy, we who can afford not to be.  Stopping to listen might well mean changing our minds or connecting with somebody we would rather avoid. It might mean feeling a pain we have been running from, or noticing that empty chair, that sense of loneliness. It wasn't until a few weeks after mom's funeral that dad slowed down enough to notice how quiet the house was, and when I went back to visit a month after she died, it was a lot more clear she was gone than it was when everyone was around with casseroles for the visitation. We have a lot of work to do, it's true. Many are hungry, homeless, hopeless, and we can't repair the whole world on our own. But we can sit at the feet of the one who is repairing the world. We can be amazed as Jesus repairs us, and bear witness to where God is repairing the relationships around us.

Even if we only notice in hindsight, because of our many distractions, Jesus is sitting right here among us, at your kitchen table, at the water cooler, on the sidelines of the kids' baseball games. Better to let him refresh us than to pour ourselves out to completely empty, but he will refresh us again and again anyhow. And even when we have given our last bit and have no more to give, remember that Jesus works with all kinds of life, all kinds of people, even the sick and the dead. There is nowhere we can go where Jesus can not love us, nothing we can do that will distract him from accompanying us on our journeys. He is more dedicated to us than the most dedicated Pokèmon Go player, and he has all of eternity to catch us all up in the love that is strong enough to die for us and big enough to live again and again and again.