Confession of St. Thomas.
Why do we give Thomas the nickname of 'doubting' when he's just one in a whole line of people trying to figure out who Jesus is?
John's gospel is full of characters who are trying to make sense of this prophet from Nazareth. Even John the Baptist proclaimed him coming in a way folks couldn't quite wrap their heads around. The light, the truth, the word, the one who ranks ahead of John because he was ahead of him even though he's coming after him. Lamb of God was the title that got folks at first to ask Jesus where he was staying, and just maybe he was also ‘the anointed one.’
John's Gospel is full of signs and speeches of trying to figure out who Jesus is, and from beginning to end it becomes clear that to believe in Jesus means to wrestle with who he is. Or, rather, to wrestle with him. Not an idea of him or a theory or a concept, but he himself. Faith in John’s gospel is built on relationship, lived experience, hearing about this guy and then trying him on for size.
So I guess it kind of makes sense that Thomas would be considered without faith when he thinks Jesus is dead and gone and that’s the end of it. He’d lost heart, the relationship was over. I don't know why he wasn't there hiding with the other disciples that first Easter. Part of me wonders of he just didn't care if the Judeans caught up with him, wasn't afraid to be killed because his heart was so broken at the death of his Rabbi. What would be the point of hiding from those who handed Jesus over if everything he was was wrapped up in walking with Jesus, learning from Jesus, following Jesus, who was no longer there?
Remember, when Lazarus was dead and Jesus went back into that community of folks who had tried to stone him, it was Thomas who said 'let us go also that we may die with him.' Thomas seems to have thrown in his entire lot with Jesus, hook, line, sinker, and boat. Makes me wonder if Thomas didn't have some amount of survivor’s guilt after the events of what we now call Good Friday.
And to make matters worse folks use his grief to say we can't have doubt if we're going to have faith - but that's exactly why Thomas has faith and is able to recognize Jesus as his Lord and God; because he wrestled and wondered and walked with this man, the rabbi, the lamb of God, the anointed one. When we talk about faith, about the creed we profess and teach, that our confirmation kids are studying in class, we tend to think it needs to be this solid unchanging thing we never question, this list of theories we agree to and can't ever really talk about.
But as traditional as Easter has become, it is still plain weird! As much as some of us may have gotten used to the idea of being Christian, it’s very strange.
Whether we’re here out of habit, or because we’ve had a living encounter with Jesus, or because in the middle of our habit Jesus stepped in and we’re trying to make sense of it, being a resurrection people (who pray first, walk together, and change lives) doesn’t make a whole lot of sense in a world so polarized and frightened that entire faith communities, whole families, are turned in against themselves. That’s what those first disciples were facing, fighting their own people, arguing about this man Jesus to the point that they were ready to cut one another off.
We've gotten used to this Easter story, tamed it even, at this point put it on clearance to make way for the next big holiday. But for us, as for Thomas, it may take awhile to sink in. Remember how dismayed and incredulous the first witnesses were. And it’s no small event, either. We have an embarrassing history of infighting and warmongering, presuming to fight in the name of this Jesus. This man’s very existence has changed the world. We know the way history repeats itself when we see communities divided, when people get so polarized that honest and open conversation doesn’t even seem possible.
This is part of that resurrection miracle. The doors where the disciples had met were locked for fear of their own people, and Jesus didn’t stand outside and knock politely like we see in the old painting, surrounded with flowers and all polite and gentle about it. You know this painting? It looks like early Thomas Kincaid, if he ever drew people. But Jesus didn’t wait for those disciples to open the door to him, he just showed up in the midst of their fear and anxiety and gave them a commission. They were afraid and in hiding and Jesus broke up their pity party to send them out into the world, back into the crowds that at once crucified him and desperately needed him.
Even Peter, in today’s Acts reading, faced up to the people who had scared him into denying Jesus, that well-intentioned man who wouldn’t let Jesus wash his feet at first, Peter stands up in front of all those Judeans and testifies to the hope that is in him now that Jesus has appeared to give him peace and power.
So the disciples started by going outside of their locked doors to get Thomas. He was not left on his own to struggle with his faith. The disciples announced to him that Jesus had returned, and they brought him with them until the next time Jesus appeared again, in the same way, for Thomas as he needed.
After that community was restored, Jesus continued to show up to people uninvited and unexpected. As the gospel author says, ‘Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book.’ But as the author also says, ‘blessed are those who have not seen and have yet believed.’ That would be you and me. In this story here. Right here on whatever page of the bulletin or Bible you find this text. How quickly Jesus has already expanded the community.
And we are freed and inspired by Thomas to question, to look for proof, to ask of the community where Jesus might be found, and to be surprised to find him already among us. We are inspired by Thomas, and more than that, by Jesus himself, who breathes on the disciples the gift of the Holy Spirit. It’s a Pentecost moment before the great big international Pentecost event, where that same Spirit which drove Jesus’ ministry is sent upon us to drive our ministries. “As the Father has sent me,” Jesus says, “so I am sending you.”
This is not a spirit of such certainty that we will never need question or wonder again. But it is a spirit of wisdom and understanding. This is not a spirit of pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps, but it is a spirit of counsel and might. This is not a spirit of having all the answers and programs and never again having to wonder if we’re doing the right thing, but it is a spirit of knowledge and fear of the Lord. This is not a spirit of perfection, but it is a spirit of joy in God’s presence.
We’re still trying to figure out who this Jesus is among us, who shows up and walks through locked doors and heals and feeds and teaches and comforts, and we’ve been wrestling with this Jesus for over two thousand years.
But that’s faith. That’s what it means to believe, to put our trust in God, to name Jesus as our Lord and God.
We are sent with the Spirit of the living Christ, not to fix everything that is broken in the world, but to find God living and active in places we might otherwise fear to tread. We cannot know the whole of who Christ is, because his life has not ended, he is still working, and showing up - as promised - in our Sacraments of Eucharist and Baptism, in Confession and forgiveness, but also showing up when and where we least expect it, with peace and power to set us free from our fear, restore our community, and send us into the world with the mysterious and joyful message that “alleluia, Christ is risen!”
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